I've been a bad blogger as of late. Since the last episode, I finished neurology and I'm back in Philly, which is great. I went down to Florida for three days to visit my Grandpa. I finalized my rank order list.
So in about 11 hours, I will find out whether I have matched or not. I haven't really been nervous, but now I'm starting to feel sick with apprehension. I honestly don't think it's from thinking that I won't match, but more that it's hitting me that my future is coming soon. Finding out where I match makes my upcoming move seem so much more real. I never really wanted to move on in such a major way. Part of me never had a choice, because my friends would probably be leaving too. Natalie has only been here for a few months, and I feel awful leaving her, even though that isn't really what I am doing. It's just been nice to have another friend in town. Her lifestyle also scares me, because I see how much she is working, and I know that will be me in a few months. I will have to work to force myself to go out or do anything after work. My default is always to go home and veg, but I can't do that in a new city and expect to be happy. I think this whole thing is reminding me of when I left Albany and started school in Philly. It was an emotional time with lots of pining for the past. I know that this will happen again, and it's hard to prepare for that. At the same time, it helps to know that things got better with time.
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